So, I’ve been thinking about math lately. This is weird, I know. Who thinks about math? Math teachers, I suppose. Mathematicians. And… geeks. I guess. Like me. *shamed*

Anyway, I got to thinking about this because, say, my fourth grade math teacher actually reads and comments occasionally on my blog. Wow. Who knew math teachers knit? ;-) I don’t remember much about 4th grade math class, granted, except one thing: Mad Minutes. This is where you have a sheet filled with math problems (easy stuff, it’s gradeschool, come on…) and you have to do as many as humanly possible in one minute.

I don’t know if anyone else in the world ever did these, or if this was just our thing, but these suckers implanted themselves in my brain, and to this day, I do very little of anything repetitive (say, knitting…) without looking at the clock, and then trying to do as much as I can in one minute, I kid you not. Then, worse, I try to beat my “score” every time. I tell you, I can trace it all back to math class…

Along those lines, BrainAge, for Nintendo DS, has this “cute” (harhar) little game where you do tons of little math problems as quickly as possible, JUST LIKE THE MAD MINUTES. And why is it that I can never remember, no matter how many times I try, whether 8×7 is 54 or 56? Likewise, 9×6 always messes me up too… *shakes head* Brain Age also has a lot of much more evil minigames, like the “count how many people are remaining in the house as they fly in and out super fast” game. I really suck that one up, I’ll tell you….

Also, math in general is on my mind, because gosh, come August, when I go back to school, I’m gonna have to see how much algebra I actually remember. And then… probably take classes, because really, about the only algebra I really remember is *really* basic algebra. You know, “70% of X = 120″ type stuff, which, I confess, I use all the time. But college level algebra? Never needed it. Don’t use it. Don’t remember it. Gah, taking lots of math classes….

But maybe I’ll do a good search online for some sort of remedial algebra sites or something and see if I can dust off my brain and brush up and maybe pass the placement exams and survive without having to pay lots of money. There’s an idea! If only I hadn’t sold my math textbook back to the college way back when…

So what’s up? Long time, no see. I haven’t been feeling well - sinus infection seriously doing me in - and a lack of sleep certainly hasn’t helped. I guess I just haven’t felt like popping on to say so… or much of anything.

It isn’t that I haven’t been busy - sinusitis and all. I’ve (finally!) finished up my peppermint socks. Check this out:

They were finished up on February Eve. Er. January 31st. At about 7 a.m. I had a deadline to finish those that day - and through a miracle bestowed upon me by the knit-like-fucking-hell gods, I managed. They fit great, despite my gut-wrenching fear vague worry that they would be too small on the size 0 needles I’d decided on, and I do not (thank heaven) have to rip them all out and start anew. The only thing I could’ve done differently in the end was make them a bit shorter in the foot. Due to the change in gauge due to the needle size change, I miscalculated the number of rows I’d need for the toe and knit the foot a bit long. But they still fit!

(Before you ask… yes, that is my yule tree still standing, a month and several odd days past yule… I sucked it up and tore it down about a half hour after taking this photo, and barely beat that “have it down before the 1st, or A. will mock you forever and ever” deadline.)

So now what am I doing? Knitting more socks, of course - this time for A., with the most gorgeous and softest and most luscious sock yarn ever - Blue Moon’s Socks That Rock, in the color Blarney Stone. (Pics when I get the first one done in a day or so, I swears!)

And… I’ve been amusing myself with a new game for my Nintendo DS - Harvest Moon DS. This is such a stupidly addicting game I’m almost embarrassed to admit it. The point is this - you’re a farm boy, and the Witch Priestess has accidentally cast a spell on her rival, the Harvest Goddess, making her disappear. Now you, the farm boy, must work real hard to get her back. No, you’re not doing any special “retrieve the goddess” work, you just have to be a farmer, and miraculously, if you do really well at it, all the harvest sprites will return, and then so will the goddess. Or, uh, something. Okay, the plot really really sucks. But the gameplay is damned cute. You grow things. You mine for ore and gems and minerals. You raise animals. And of course, you romance the cute town girls. It’s not, admittedly, really supposed to be a linear plot-driven game. It’s supposed to be a game about farming, and gosh darnit, it is.

The only thing that could make this better (besides, er, plot… was that really the best they could come up with?) is a little more choice in el farmboy. Can’t I be a farmgirl? Or better yet, can’t my farmboy romance the local dudes as well as (or instead of?!) the girls? C’mon, yaoi makes everything better…

But anyway. I’ve been playing for a few days now, and I’m… er… hooked. Like a crack addict. The worst part? It’s one of those games where you’re playing happily, and then you think: “Gosh, I should totally be doing this in real fucking life instead of pretending to do it on this little game…”

Tonight is the February new moon. (Also, for those who care, it’s Ash Wednesday today.) I realize that I didn’t put up January’s New Moon Tarot Card - why? I had it done… - so belatedly, I’ll just say that it was the reversed Five of Pentacles, and it was a very good reading.

Tonight, with luck, I’ll actually put up February’s reading. And tomorrow, ladies and gents, we officially enter the Year of the Rat. Four or five days ago, depending on which calendar you use, was Imbolc, a winterly pagan festival to call spring forth. Usually, it’s set on February 2nd - groundhog day - or February 1st. You may also know it as Candlemas; way back in time, the Irish people worshiped a goddess named Brigid, a goddess of healing, and hearth, and smithing - healing, home, and craftsmanship, she did it all. When the good Christians of the Europe came to show them the way, they convinced the Irish people well enough to convert to Catholicism, but convincing them to stop worshiping Brigid was such a lost attempt that they canonized her as a Saint, downsized the fire festival to candles, and called it Candlemas. Hey, if you can’t beat ‘em…

So anyway. The festival typically marks the very beginnings of spring - deep in the earth, under all that winter snow, things are stirring to life again. The days are gradually lengthening. In another six weeks (the spring equinox), signs of life should be everywhere. Many pagans pay homage to Brigid this day, and I did with a candle in her honor and a bit of a tarot reading (that, unsurprisingly, considering the origins of the festival, focused very much on craftsmanship.)

Merry Imbolc to all, belated as it may be.

How in the world did I manage to spot this series countless times on the bookstores’ shelves, pick it up with interest, then set it back down without purchasing it? How?!?! I finally got around, well over two months ago, to checking out The Golden Compass, the first book in the trilogy, and then promptly read the first paragraph and carried around uselessly for a while, then looked at it with vague interest as it sat quietly on my dining table, and never freaking read anything more until tonight.

It’s 7:30 a.m., and I’ve read it start to finish, and am cursing myself for not having read it sooner. Like… years sooner. Anxiously, I checked my library’s website, and they seem to have the full compendium, His Dark Materials, checked in at the moment. That’s a relief, because two months ago, they didn’t have anything but the first book period. Maybe the newly released movie had something to do with getting the full thing? (Or maybe their website just sucks and it’s awful hard to find anything…)

Anyway, I anxiously await Monday. It can’t possibly come soon enough. Here’s hoping the library opens for business on the 24th. If not… doom, I tell you.

Doom.

My mother’s telling everyone she can about my pitiful state of physical health, because alas, it became overly clear to her a couple weeks ago that I, a spiffy 25 year old in the ‘prime’ of life, am more out of shape than she - a fifty-some year old with the ‘excess baggage’ that comes with having two children, an ice cream and candy obsession, bursitis, and very likely fibromyalgia. Yes, you heard me right.

This sorry truth came to light when we were out gardening in my garden. I’ve never planted cucumbers in hills before, so she snatched up the hoe and proceeded to show me how she’d always done - scraping a circle about 3 feet big, and then… hoeing up all the dirt into a mound about 7-8 inches tall. Inspired by the ease, I did the next one.

Sort of.

I got halfway through my circle and was ready to pass out cold in the ant-ridden dirt, heaving for air, my lazy and far underworked muscles quivering and begging for relief. She took one look at me and about peed her pants laughing. Thank you mother, I knew I could count on you for support.

I finished, but it took me several minutes longer, and the result was almost as pathetic as my attempt, looking more like a pile of dirt than a nicely formed hill for my cukes. She straightened it up for me. Because clearly, I was an incompetent imbecile when it came to any sort of physical challenge.

This is not exactly a new condition (who won last on place in every single “track and field day” event I was forced to attend (sobbing and protesting the whole way) as a child in elementary school? that’s right, good ol’ me! who was the very last person to finish two measly laps in gym class all through high school? yep! who could not advance past intermediate swimming lessons because I simply was not fast enough? yeehaw!), but suffice to say, I’ve never been this out of shape. Even a six year old could do better than that, I’m sorry to report. Hell, my cats can do better than that.

(Maybe not. They don’t even bother to attempt the whole ‘dig’ thing in the litterbox anymore. Wtf is up with that, anyway?)

That said, A found out through Mom (and me, because I figured I may as well tell the tale myself once she’d started), and tried to rope me into walking with her. Let me say this: I. Hate. Walking. Always have, always will. Something about it just seems pointless to me. Pointless. Boring. Numbing. Feet-hurting. Knee-hurting. Forever-taking. I hate it. I walk two and a half blocks to work every day, and I hate every step of it. I should walk three and a half blocks to the post office every day to get my mail, but I don’t. I drive. Just to avoid the dreaded walk.

Why do I hate it so? No idea, but I suspect genetics and upbringing has something to do with it. After all, my mother drove one block to work for several years. One block. I’ve never seen my father walk anywhere he couldn’t drive. We lived 5 blocks from school (maybe six?) and I recall riding my bike there twice. Every other time, I either got a ride, or drove myself. Genetics and upbringing, I tell you. And I have a hard time overcoming that.

Anyway, A then complained that I turned down bike riding, which is easier. All right, I give. It’s easier… if you’re in any shape at all, and if at least half your ass fits on the seat. When it gets down to like, a quarter of your ass, it’s more like sitting on an apple, and believe me, that’s even less comfy than walking. I used my stationary bike for a few days. Then I quit on that shit. I mean, when your inner asscheeks hurt from the strain several days later… it’s time to find a new exercise. Seriously.

I’ve lost two pounds in the last couple weeks. Some of it was ‘that time of the month’ weight, I think, or maybe not… but some of it was from my gardening activities. If I keep it up all this summer, maybe I’ll actually develop, like, a muscle somewhere! Wouldn’t that be neat?

Back in late December or early January, I purchased a beautiful Lamy Safari fountain pen at Pear Tree Pens, extra fine, graphite colored. It comes with a Lamy ink cartridge, but I was not at all pleased with it, so I went over to another pen place and bought some Noodler’s ink in bulletproof black and turquoise, and added a converter to my original pen order.

I loved it so much that just last week, I ordered a second Lamy Safari - in their new, limited edition summer white color, and some more inks. The new pen is shiny white, with a glossy finish instead of the slightly ‘rougher’ matte finish of the graphite black. The point is also shiny silver instead of a sleek black - meaning that filling the pen through the point gets it all inky in an obvious way. And the white pen means that I can’t get away with not bothering to wipe the little rim off when I fill it, either, because it will be icky.

But I do like it. Lots. I bought a fine tip this time, instead of extra fine, and I’m pleased with that, too. It’s only marginally less fine than the extrafine… though beware, I haven’t attempted it with the same bulletproof black ink that I normally use in the other pen. Inks DO matter, as I discovered…

I bought some J. Herbin scented orange ink, which is… erm… watery. Or it was. And it made the pen sort of… scratchy. Now, granted, the ink is fairly light colored to begin with, but I just wasn’t too impressed with it. Maybe it’s just the scented ink. Maybe it’s just that bottle. Maybe it’s the whole brand. Or maybe, just maybe, it’s because I didn’t thoroughly clean the pen before I filled it the first time.

Hard to say, but I was so displeased that I cleaned it out and dried it well and filled it with some Private Reserve Chocolat ink.

Which is heavenly. A nice, choclately brown. In a nice big fat bottle with a wide mouth - even better. I must say, I fear filling up from the Noodler’s bottle once it gets about halfway gone, because it’s tall and deep. Um, can we say inky fingers, everyone?

One of my inks this time (from Pear Tree Pens) didn’t show up. There’s a small, illegible notation beside it, and I /think/ it says B.O. - which I think means backordered. But I’m gonna have to call and confirm that.

Though… it /is/ a J. Herbin ink, and I /knew/ I should’ve actually tried my sample before ordering… but this one looks much better than the other. Well, we shall see if it even shows up.

That said, I got another package yesterday. YARN! Yes. I got the yarn I ordered - two lovely skeins of Lorna’s, and a couple skeins of that beloved Karabella Aurora 8 for my SP10 pal. Because heavens, it’s nice wool, and everyone deserves some.

Now I just need to pick up a few extras. *beam*

Moving on. Chick pics! Though they’re really looking more like chickens now! They’re growing up beautifully… except for Lazy Sue, who’s bald. The other chickens must’ve plucked her headfeathers out. She looks a bit like my father… who was not pleased with the comparison. She’s a very lazy girl compared to the others. She’s the only girl I’m 100% positive on regarding breed.

Lazy Sue:

Lily:

Houdini:

Feather:

Suspected roo? This chick looked exactly like 2-3 of the other girls when just a baby, but (s)he’s developed some white feathers when the others have not, and her? comb is much more pink.

Faceshot:

And some misc picks:

I couldn’t get good pics of all of them - busy little creatures, they are!

Eventually, it had to happen. I mean, I’ve known these guys in my head for TWELVE years. Twelve years, can you imagine? Finally, I gave the Chains a home of their own.

Who are the Chains, you ask? A fictional mobster family living in a fictional metropolis in Illinois. Why Illinois? Who knows - I was like, 12 at the time, okay? It stuck. Anyway. They have a home on the web now, where they can keep in touch with each other and whine about the crap that happens in their daily lives. Just… don’t tell them who I am, okay?

I’ve been reading. Read 9 books this year already. They’ve all been good, except this last worthless pile of paper called The Two Minute Rule. I cannot believe the author, Robert Crais, has a dozen or so books published, because this was one lameass book. Did he ever get the “show, don’t tell” lecture? Because he needs to.

He also needs to get the “contrived endings don’t make for good endings” lecture, because this one made me gag. It made no sense at all. None. Nada.

I consider myself a writer. I write, after all. Lots. Never published a bloody thing, probably never will [frankly, I’m a chronic unfinisher], but obviously, I /could/. I mean, I could write this shit. Is that all it takes to get published? Words on paper, even if they’re deader-than-a-doornail words with no emotion, no feeling, no life?

Oigh.

So here’s my TT for the week - 13 Ways To Write Badly. This book didn’t violate all of them (though a good lot of them, I’ll say), and I could go on for a lot more than 13, but this’ll do.

Thirteen Ways to Write Badly!

1. Tell. Don’t show them anything - your readers don’t want to experience the story, they just want to hear it like news on the radio.
2. Introduce characters in the first chapter by first and last name, give them a point of view to tell their side of the story, make like they’re an important character, and then never look at them again. Ever. This gives your story an aura of mystery, even once the readers finish! Excellent!
3. Give everyone stupid nicknames and throw them around every now and then just for the heck of it. Readers love that shit.
4. Talk brand names. Who needs honest description when a brand name will do?
5. Contrive an ending. Your character was a bank robber? Make him rob a bank at the end to save the day, even if it’s unnecessary and more, outrageous. Excess drama makes for a bestseller!
6. Pitable characters are good characters. How can readers possibly like your character if they don’t pity them? Make sure your character is depressed, unhappy, and miserable, and then make sure he’s a complete failure, and then make sure he knows it and thinks it… often. That’s right.
7. And don’t forget to tell them so. None of that showing business. Your readers don’t wanna think! This is important here!
8. Flat, one dimensional characters are the way to go. Don’t put any more time into the characters than your readers will - a few thoughts on the matter is good enough. I mean, giving anyone but the main characters personality is a total waste of time.
9. Characters shouldn’t change. Not in the book, anyway. If you make the characters grow or change, people will just think you’re a crappy author because you couldn’t make up your mind.
10. If you must make them change, make it big changes. Instantaneous ones. No pressure needed. Just do it, and get it over with fast. Don’t make them dwell on it, or your readers will, too, and then you’ll be that crappy author who can’t stick with anything.
11. If you’re not writing about a miserable, pitiable character, make sure you’re writing about Superman. Everyone loves superheroes, because they can do no wrong and know everything.
12. If you don’t have a plot, put lots of drama into things - sex and emotion and turmoil and things that go round and round and round so nobody ever realizes your mistake. You’ll be fine. I swear.
13. If you DO have a plot, don’t make the above mistake. Plot should strictly be plot. No emotion. Don’t let those characters have feelings, or it’ll sideline you. Well, not many feelings. And for god’s sake, don’t show it if they do. A quick: “He was surprised.” will do the trick. Point A to Point B. Nothing more.

1. jenny 2. Julie Doe

3. bonnie 4. You're next!

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I guess I have to become a pirate once again. It seems allofmp3.com has lost the support of Visa/Mastercard, and I can’t friggin use my credit cards, for whatever reason, with clickandbuy, and now I can’t buy music.

You might say that allofmp3.com was illegal in the first place (not true - was plenty legal by Russian laws, though a new agreement will apparently change that come June 2007), or that there’s other legal alternatives, like… iTunes, Rhapsody, [insert other drm crap here]. But I can’t use any of those. Because I use Linux.

So I guess, if I’m going to listen to music, I have to pirate it. I hate the idea of pirating something I would willingly pay for - if only it were in a format I could use. And I won’t buy albums - I’m already deleting tons of mp3s off my disks just because they’re all the “extra” songs on the albums that I don’t like, and don’t want to listen to, and I don’t have the money to spend even $13 on songs I /like/ in a month, let alone $13 on a gamble cd filled mostly with crap I wouldn’t listen to if /I/ was the one getting paid. And besides, then I have to do something with the bloody cds and cases…

Geh. If music was available without DRM, so I could play it anywhere, and copy it to whatever computer/device I wanted, on any operating system, and it was under 50 cents a song, I’d bite. I could spend $5 a month on songs, or $10-15 every couple months, and I’d be happy. Hell, even if iTunes, which I think is overpriced, cut off their DRM crap so I could play it on my computer, I’d buy from them, even at the high prices. *sigh*

But oh well. A pirating I shall go.

That’s what I did last night. A year and a half ago, I finally came up with a budgeting system that works for me. I know, I know, you hear the word ‘budget’ and you run screaming as if I’d just told you to hand over every one of your paychecks to the tightwad gazette for the rest of your life.

Not so. Budgeting is really pretty harmless, even to those with spending addictions. Like myself. And it’s simple. Takes up hardly any time, and makes it so I don’t HAVE to feel guilty - or play dumb - when I buy something, and then get a ‘your check has bounced’ noticed from the bank.

Budgeting is all about finding out how much money you can spend for fun, made possible by doing a little math every now and then to figure out how much money you need for… well, things you NEED. Like rent, and telephone, and heat, and mac n cheese. Yep. I do not budget so I can be in control of my finances. I budget so I don’t have to put a billion things I truly desire back on the shelf all because I can’t figure out whether I’ll have enough money to pay the phone bill coming up in two weeks. See? It’s rewarding!

I have a fun system that works for me. There’s budget calculators all over the web for free, budget worksheets, programs like quicken, yadda yadda. They’re nice, but they tend not to fit ME too well. I’ve got an unusual situation - I don’t pay a lot of bills that some people do - and I do have some odd bills that most budget things don’t calculate for.

My tools:

I use an index card system, with a little binder clip to keep them all together so I can pack the current and recent past cards (up to a year’s worth) around with me wherever I go, such as, to work, where I do most of my budgeting.

Every paycheck gets its own index card. Every paycheck varies with my schedule, so I do about 3 months at a time, and when I get into the third month, I do up another three months or so, counting ahead and figuring out what each paycheck will be. I average out my net total every month, and now have a handy little list of what (on average) my paycheck will be for all the usual shift configurations I have.

Then I list out what bills need to be paid that month, and the dates. And eventually, I plug them into the cards, ensuring that a) every bill gets paid on time (I typically pay bills twice a month - on payday), and b) I always have some, at least a little, extra money left over. Twice a year, when three paychecks come in a month, it all gets screwed up, and I have to pay bills on different checks than usual, or sometimes, I’ll just have a short paycheck, and have to split up a bill between a couple checks. That’s why I do three months at a time - much easier that way to keep things like that from sneaking up on me.

I do a rough draft on paper, where I write additional notes, such as the number of days worked in that pay period, overtime/holiday pay notes, etc. and THEN I commit them to index cards. I don’t like to scribble all over my index cards rearranging things. I do it anyway, every month but I like my first scribbles to be done on paper. I keep the paper for future reference, too. Just in case.

Anyway. I’ve done my budgeting through April, actually. Why April? Because March was a three-paycheck month, and stopping there and not knowing what was up with April was driving me nuts.

Anyway, my conclusion from all of this? I should be able to buy a new computer! See how much fun that was? Definitely worth the time it took.

Yep, all is well again with my beloved. A quick downgrade solved all my problems. First up is the finished Tea Cozy Hat! It’s cute. I could’ve made it a bit bigger, and the ribbing needs to be tighter, but oh well! I like it anyway!

Yarn: One of the bulky yarns at handpaintedyarn.com
Needles: Clover Bamboo, circ & dpns, size 8.
Pattern: Tea-Cozy Hat, available at handpaintedyarn.com (free)

And next up, of course, is my new sock-knitting venture. I’ve knitted another 3/4 inch or so on this since this photo, but it doesn’t look much different. This is the Universal Toe-Up Sock, from Knitty. I’m knitting it in Knitpicks’ Gloss, with Clover Bamboo size 1 dpns.